Carry on thieving… January 28, 2008

Have you heard the one about the thieves trying to steal a car missing a wheel? No, really…. 

We were the victims of crime on Friday night (well, Saturday early morning).  I was woken up at 0230 by a commotion and looked out the window to see a copper arresting someone in our front garden and a police dog prowling the front seat of our car. After clearing my bleary-eyed-ness, I figured out that a bloke was trying to nick our car but obviously got caught red-handed, so after shouting “Well Done!” to the policeman, we made our way down stairs to see what the heck was happening.

With the offender safely in the police car and the dog back in the vehicle, we surveyed the damage.  The officer then checked with a torch and spotted another offender hiding in the back seat of the car. What a fool! He then kicked off, claiming he would kill the police dog by biting it (that I would like to see), so we went back inside whilst all the arrests were sorted, back up arrived and they were piled into a police van.  How exciting!

It was stupendous that the cops caught these guys mid-crime but what really made it for me was the fact that the car they were trying to steal in fact only had 3 wheels as the boy had been doing maintenance on it the afternoon before. So there they were, trying to start a car, intending to drive it off ignorant to the fact this would have failed in a big way. Aaaah, how I laughed – these guys were seriously stupid – it was like a Carry On film!

So anyway, the drama over, we gave our statements and ended up back in bed at 0445. Seriously tired Saturday but enjoyed recounting the drama to the neighbours, most of whom were woken up by the “Street Wars” episode taking place in our sleepy suburbia!

Brock infiltration of life… January 25, 2008

This week has been very badger-oriented.  Sounds strange, non?

Well, the other night the boy and I watched the programme about eccentrics on Bodmin Moor, including a guy who ate roadkill, which involved badger from time to time.

Yesterday, whilst looking for wedding band options, I stumbled upon Chocolate Badger – based near where our reception will be, suitably drunken and comedy looking in their pics and with quite good playlists. 

There is a significance to this badger malarky, aaaah, it’s a Gloucestershire thing. The other half’s Great-Grandfather once boiled a badger, skimmed and potted the fat, and this revered pot of ear-wax-a-like stuff has been handed down through the generations of West Country men.  You guessed it, the badger fat pot is now in our house (garage, actually).  I think the boy used it once; his cricket team mate used a bit on a sore muscle after being told it was the ‘English Tiger Balm’.

my friend, my carpet’s friend January 24, 2008

Whilst walking haphazardly through my lounge at 3.30am on Saturday morning last – after a particularly long and heavy rugby girls night out – I went completely arse over tit, falling backwards over my coffee table.  Normally, this would be comedy value but on this occasion I was unlucky enough to be carrying a plate laden with turmeric laced curry.  Not good.

The foodstuff landed in a massively spread pile on my beige carpet so in a completely drunken state I attempted to scrape it up with a spoon, then went to bed.  The morning dawned, and so did my realisation that I had seriously stained said carpet which now had orange goo all over a big patch of it, just in front of a sofa.

After a bit of t’internet research I tried a diluted solution of lemon juice and warm water, patiently dabbing away whilst downing pints of squash and paracetamol.  No go – the goo wouldn’t budge, the colour was still distinctly orange.

Rather than go to the supermarket with a raging hangover, in my dazed state I opted to give Barkeeper’s friend a go. I use this for general surface cleaning and decided a paste of it, spread over the offending area, may do the job.  I also noted that I was prepared to buy a rug if it didn’t work. 

Luckily, a few mins later, the paste was dabbed off to reveal – beige!!  OK, there’s a few darker bits still but it’s oatmeal carpet really so it’s blended in ok.  Sigh of relief, threat of angry other half diminished, rug buying trip deferred.

Nowhere on the internet forums I looked on was this particular remedy recommended – cue me feeling like a household stain removal trailblazer! I’m off to order tonnes of the stuff now – got another few dinner parties coming up where similar misfortune could occur…

No…no…and thrice, no January 23, 2008

Yesterday was the official day off to sort out wedding stuff day. Boy and me were ready to go at 9am for our first caterer (3 caterers, 3 marquee people to meet) and I felt smug with my compartmentalised wedding file, decorative notepad and colour co-ordinated metallic pens.

Within a few minutes of our first meeting tho, I realised that – despite my Monica-from-Friends attitude – I hadn’t thought about lots of things.  As the day progressed, I realised I had much, much more to consider than what hairdo to have and how long my speech should last (yes, I am doing a speech. Microphone, Me and Drink – it’s gonna happen!). 

So here’s what I said ‘No’ to yesterday:

  - Have you considered security for the marquee?

 - You say you’d like ivory, sage green and a touch of pink. Do you know if you want dusky pink, baby pink, cerise or pale pink?

 - Linings for the marquee. Do you know if you want colour co-ordinated pelmets?

 - Do you have refrigeration for wine?

 - Have you sorted out ice?

 - Do you know if you want wooden flooring, carpet, or event flooring?

 - What kinds of meat do you want on the carvery, do you know?

 - Have you considered the type of napkin you’d like – colour, linen, high quality disposable?

Do I still think I am Hyper-Organised-Sorted-Bridezilla?

No.

Control thy children January 21, 2008

For a change, and cos we had time, we went to the 10.30am mass yesterday, instead of the 8.30am one.  This is always a good service as there’s proper hymns, loads more people and a bit more ceremony (which I’m a sucker for).

The 10.30 service also attracts families.  Now, I’m all for kids in church, but when they are misbehaved, ill-disciplined (if at all disciplined), naughty types, I find myself silently fuming.  There we were being holy yesterday and the 2 children in front of us (Harry and Millie - impish sounding names, you see?) were running riot.  Shouting, walking on the pews, ripping the hymn book, clambering under pews, walking on peoples legs whilst they were knelt in prayer – these kids were professional disrupters.

I’m not a parent but I sure as heck would be responding to this miscreant behaviour if they were my offspring. Instead, their mother did nothing more than drag them back to standing positions from the pew they were on/under, and then pat/kiss them on the head. Hello? Lady?  Are you not hearing/seeing your chillen? They are not being cutesome, they are being annoying and naughty!

At one point whilst I was kneeling forward, Millie was nearby clambering on the pew in front so I told her, quietly and calmly, to sit down.  She did.  It’s not that hard, see, Mother, what I did there, see? OK, I concede that within 2 mins (once she realised her Ma was not going to enforce any kind of discipline akin to my gentle suggestion) she was back on the pew like a free-range kid.

Now, I know it must be trying to have active kids in a church but plenty of young-uns were managing to hold their own in the quietness/reverence stakes.  A boy next to us was reading through the service book with a finger out on the page tracing the sentences of the text. Bless! And over the way, a toddler was quite happily reading her comic book whilst parents prayed.  Surely, surely Lady it can’t be that hard?

I for one resolved that my kids, when they appear in the distant-ish future, will not be a let-down in Church or anywhere else for that matter.  Boundaries will be laid, discipline followed through by both parents, activities planned and decorum maintained.  Here’s hoping, anyway…

Vote Pat! January 17, 2008

Who’s your favourite Soap matriarch?  I confess I haven’t watched ‘enders for years, but surely no-one can be as ace as Big Fat Pat?   The variety and cumbersomeness of the earrings, the heart of gold under those horrendous clothes, the woman who can’t resist Frank….

Vote for Pat!

Truth Recognition for idiots January 17, 2008

Reading last week’s PR Week (too busy to read over weekend) on the train yesterday, the industry leaders’ comments on what was to come in 2008 was pretty interesting.  John Stonborough’s prediction caught my eye:

“…despite spending over half a million quid of licence payers’ money to send 16,500 employees on a Truth Recognition course, the BBC will be engulfed in another fact fiddling scandal in 2008.”

A “Truth Recognition” course.  Really? What does that actually involve? I am intrigued!

Perhaps the need for this is indicative of the problems of the ’google’ generation where people are relying on random internet sources (such as blogs!) for their stories, but surely any journalist worth their salt should be checking facts, verifying stories and ensuring their sources are reliable?  My job in media relations demands this – how rubbish would we look putting out duff stories and flimsy facts!?  We certainly wouldn’t get off lightly and journalists shouldn’t either (as we’ve seen).

I’m one to believe that the BBC’s (and others of course, crap journalism isn’t exclusive) downfall is laziness, rather than malicious fiddling of facts but everyone needs to pull their socks up if the British public is to have faith in its media again…

The bridal tidal wave continues January 15, 2008

What is going on? Another mate has also got properly engaged recently so that makes a total of 5 of my close friends getting  married now.  This means there’s 6 of us turning into bridezillas and as you know, being competitive, I am determined to be the beastliest of us all! (And probably single again as a result?)

Have I started a trend then?  Is 2008 an auspicious year for engagements? Or, more realistically, am I just ‘at the age’ where all my mates are either married, getting married or sprogging? Hmm, the last one seems most likely, boo it. 

However, all this bridalness surrounding me is I’m sure going to be a positive thing.  I have 5 people I can now call on for wedding summit conversations, moans about the g2b (groom to be, of course), and honest advice on whether a bright purple eyeshadow really does set off my eye colour (no, it doesn’t – thanks, evil Mac Sales Lady).  If any of them can also advise how I could have calmed my Mother’s near hysteria when I mentioned we want a free bar, that would be an added bonus (it’s bound to happen again, when I tell her that our first dance is probably gonna be Groove is in the Heart).

But moving on from MotB (Mother of the Bride) loonyness (sp?), the bridesmaidness garb has  taken a leap forward recently as my cousin Julieann, who’s currently in Project Catwalk (she’s the nice, normal person), has offered her pro advice and skills to help me fit out my five lovely ladies.  What a superstar! Now, just got to decide on colour/shape/uniformity/sleeves/shoes/style/embellishment that I (and my bmaids) want, and we’re sorted on that front, huzzah!

Not Funny, Freakin Freak January 14, 2008

We were lucky enough to get some tickets for a warm up gig that Daniel Kitson was doing on Saturday and it was definitely a practice session for him!  Turning up with sheets of paper and delighted to find some M&S Percy Pigs sweets on his seat, he settled down into an awkward looking position, stroked his beard, removed his cap and was off.

I’ve always liked Dan Kitson when I’ve seen him before but I have to say, this gig did lose my attention.  Understandably, it wasn’t polished and it went on for nearly 2 hours - but the worst bit was a rubbish heckler in the crowd who’d just been given a ticket outside and wandered in. 

Now, some hecklers can be good fun and great cannon fodder for the comedian.  Not this one. The freak persisted in commenting loudly throughout, even in comedic pauses where we were all waiting for the final comment/punchline.  He clearly hadn’t been to many comedy gigs, or was completely hammered.  He exited the show early, to our collective relief, but not before walking right across the front of the stage area, slowly, as if to leave with the upper hand. Freak!  Still, it gave Kitson some ammo for some off-the-cuff reprimands and rebuttals (and actually, he’s very good at quick comedy quips).

But back to the gig, I’d like to see the final version when it tours in May – be interesting to see what’s in, what’s out and if there is another freak watching…

Live long with rugby and beer January 9, 2008

This article caught my attention and confirmed what I’d always believed – that a pint after a game of rugby was a good thing.  To date, I’d only considered this in terms of social benefits, but it’s good to hear there are positive health implications too!

I shall positively relish my beer after training tonight!